Reject That You Are Powerless

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“One thing I could never accept about being an alcoholic, was the idea that I was powerless over my behavior. In my head, it certainly seemed to be true. I had been a drunk for many years and had suffered horribly because of it. But once I finally realized how powerless I felt in my heart, I decided there was no way in hell I was going to stay there.
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I think we all know the feelings of being scared and powerless, but it’s something we usually try to avoid. Rather than just sitting with the feelings and trying to understand them. When it comes right down to it, how do you think a person feels about being an alcoholic? Or an addict? Or a compulsive gambler? How does it actually feel, knowing you can’t even control your own behavior?
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I can’t speak for anybody else, but I know how it made me feel. It made me feel like a loser for an awfully long time. Fortunately, I was still pretty flexible in my thinking. And somewhere I had learned that ‘A loser isn’t someone who falls down. A loser is someone who stays down.’ Of those two options, defining myself as an alcoholic, or expanding my awareness, it was pretty clear which would serve me better. I could see the downside, as well as the upside, to believing I was powerless.
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I decided it wasn’t for me. Always living in fear. Always in recovery. But never actually in control. And never fully recovered. Simply because of the words I was using to define myself. At the time, my exact thoughts were: ‘Admit you have a problem, but reject that you are powerless. As long as you can think, you have the power to make a choice.’
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Of course back then I still couldn’t see what my choices were. Couldn’t see I had any other options, because I was too busy defending my own limited point of view. Took awhile to figure out, but eventually I realized that if I wanted to change my behavior, then I would have to change my beliefs. Otherwise, I knew I would become as dependent on coffee, cigarettes and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, as I had been on getting drunk.”
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From the book Set Yourself Free: The Guide For Drunks, Smokers, Addicts and Millionaires

by Michael Highstead
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